BELIEVE IN YOURSELF WHEN OTHERS DONT

After a successful marketing workshop yesterday,  I have a message for girls and young ladies that are just starting out in a career.  I couldnt help but think about my life journey to date and all the incidents that could have stopped me from where I was going. You've got to believe in yourself even when others don't.  

RiRi  sassy young girl 5 year old, bold and confident until...

My story is that after doing secondary school in Nigeria and returning back to the UK in my teens, my teachers didn't believe in my ability.  I was even advised to attend learning support classes in English while doing A levels. I was the laughing stock of my peers because of my accent and I was trying to re-adjust culturally into a system that I had been away from, for 4 years. If the truth be told, after a few lessons, I stopped attending the class because the teacher was patronizing and spoke to me like someone who didn't understand English. I was determined to prove these teachers wrong.

I passed my A Levels with an A grade in one subject but because of my teachers doubts I hadnt even considered applying for university.  I spent 5 years of my early adult life working in a bank before deciding for myself that I could get into university and I did.  

At University, I wasnt there to play. I was very focused and came out with an Upper class 2.1 and eventually landed myself a job in Marketing and Communications for one of the best broadcasting organisations in the world, the BBC, but it didn't stop the issues of others not believing in me. At some point I moved departments. I had a female boss that took joy in making my life miserable. She just didnt like me. She even advised me to quit my job and go into retail. Despite her bullying and put downs, I didn't take her advice and carried on working for the BBC for 8 years in marketing.  

Roll on to present day, I've been running my own Marketing and Events Consultancy here in Lagos for nearly 6 years. As a business owner you have to believe in your value. I have met people along the way that have tried to dim my value. But I learnt a while ago that nobody can dim your value without your permission. You have to believe in your God given abilities. 

I hope this message inspires our girls to never give up on themselves.  You have all it takes. You just have to believe.

With love Aunty RiRi. Thanks for stopping by!

SIX SIGNS YOURE IN A ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIP

Are you in a one sided friendship? Most one sided friendships dont start off that way but somewhere along the way the relationship can become unbalanced. Many good hearted people find themselves in such friendships because of their giving nature but there comes a time when one has to take stock and realise that being in a one sided friendship is unhealthy.

Ive been in such a relationship before and it drains you. It also make you question yourself and lowers your self-esteem.  But don’t despair. You can take your control back but before you do so, do an inventory to really see if the friendship is one sided or whether you are just imagining things.

Here are SIX clear signs that you are in a one sided friendship.

1.  They don’t notice any important events in your life and even if they do, you will be sure they wont celebrate with you. On the other hand you are always the one reaching out to celebrate with them no matter how big or small the occasion is.

2.  They take advantage of your generosity and any time you reach out to them just for a friendly chat, there’s always one favour they need you to do for them.

3.  You can be sure that when they call you it’s never to find out how you are doing, rather it’s to ask for one thing or the other

4.  You question the friendship often 

5.  They don’t care. Their actions speak loud. Face the facts. There’s no point being around people that only see you as an option rather than a priority when there are an army of people who know the value of good friendship.

6.  When you do make up your mind to walk away from such friendships you may start to question yourself or even feel guilty but don't. Just keep walking. Your mental health is worth far more...

But here are some questions to ponder on

Do you always have to be the caretaker?

Do you feel guilty when you discover that you, too, have needs that should be recognized and met? Why would that be?

Do your needs feel less important?

Do you feel less important or deserving of consideration and understanding?

A good friendship means that there's give and take. How do you know that you are not being paranoid? My answer to that is it if doesnt feel right, it isnt right. 

Never blame the one sided person. You have to take 100% responsibility for your life Nobody can have a one-sided friendship with you, without your consent. Take control and seek better relationships where there is balance.

These are some of our fundamental emotional needs:
To be acknowledged
To be accepted
To be listened to
To be understood
To be loved
To be appreciated
To be respected
To be safe
To be valued
To be worthy
To be trusted
To feel capable and competent
To feel clear (instead of confused)
To be supported

If you are not getting these from a friendship, then you should ask yourself why you are there?

So that’s it from me. Have you experienced a one side friendship? How did you deal with it? Please reply in the comment box.

Thanks for stopping by. 

HOW TO BE MISERABLE - PART ONE

I stumbled on something interesting that Joyce Meyers shared about ‘’How to be Miserable’’. She didn’t quote the source but I took notes and thought it would be great to share with my readers.

Listed below are points on how to be miserable (Author unknown)

·      Think about yourself all the time

·      Use ‘I’ as often as possible

·      Mirror yourself continuously by the opinions of other people

·      Listen greatly about what other people say about you and if it’s not want you want to hear get angry

·      Expect to be appreciated by everyone

·      Be suspicious

·      Be jealous and envious

·      Be sensitive and easily offended

·      Never forgive a criticism

·      Trust nobody but yourself

·      Insist on consideration and respect at all times

·      Demand agreement on all your views

·      Sulk if people are not grateful for what you have done for them

·      Never forget how much you’ve done for other people

·      Think about how much youve done for people all the time

·      Always remember what people have failed to do for you

·      Entertain yourself always and do as little as possible for other people

It is exhausting reading the above isnt but its also important to check ourselves because who wants to live a miserable lives? Life is too short. 

Joyce said there was a time in her life that she was miserable but thank God for delivery

Click here for the sermon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGAch3o0FwQ&t=2283s

Do you have other tips to add to avoid miserable life? Please share in the comment box below.

Thanks for stopping by and if you found it useful please share.

HALF MARK - 15 NUGGETS SO FAR FROM PROVERBS

I started a challenge over two weeks ago, meditating on the book of Proverbs. I’ve read Proverbs several times before but not in such depth. In this challenge, I’ve read up to 4 different versions to gain wisdom and understanding. I’m on day 20 now and I cant wait to tuck into the remaining chapters. A person of wisdom is worth knowing and worth emulating. Here are 15 characteristics of such a person (She also applies to HE)

1. She trusts in the Lord. She just knows that God has her back.

2. She puts God first. Before she makes any decision she runs to God in prayer.

3. She turns away from evil because she knows it is foolishness.

4. She is loving. These are the benefits she reaps from having Wisdom.

5. She is faithful. Everyone can trust her

6. She thinks before speaking. She is not quick to speak knowing that her words have the power the lift or destroy

7. She knows right from wrong because she spends time in the Word

8. She listens and learns. She always seeks knowledge from those who are experienced

9. She does what is right because she has the Holy Spirit with her always

10.    She possesses knowledge and discretion. These are the benefits of seeking wisdom

11.          She hates pride, arrogance and evil behaviour because she knows that God detests them

12.           She respects and fears God, knowing that without HIM she is nothing

13.        She gives good advice and has common sense. You can always trust her counsel

14.      She loves correction and is teachable - Even though she possesses wisdom, she is still teachable because she knows she can never know it all

15.     She knows God and she puts him first

Wow isn’t she a person to emulate? May we continue to seek Wisdom. 

Are there any other characteristics that you have gained from your own journey with Proverbs? Please share in the comment box so we can all learn. 

Thanks for stopping by and if you found this blog post useful please share.

I look forward to sharing the remaining 11 chapters with you on my Facebook Page. 

https://www.facebook.com/riri.okoye

WHO CONTROLS YOUR EMOTIONS?

I believe that if we can conquer managing our emotions, we will have a more peaceful and rewarding life. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Cowey says, ''We should not let the actions of others dictate our reactions''. He went on further to say rather our principles and values should dictate our action. Otherwise we will become a social weather; which means when you are treated well, you feel good, when people treat you bad, you respond by mirroring their negativity and then it becomes a vicious circle. 

John Maxwell states that people treat us according to how they see themselves rather than how we really are, we shouldnt take negative behaviour personally and be so reactive.

BETTER WAY

There is a better way. Stephen Cowey states that proactive people carry their own weather. They are not driven by the behavior of others, rather they are driven by their values. Here’s a classic example: If your values are love, even if people are not loving to you, you can still respond in love. 

To further buttress this views , my husband always says “Don’t let another person’s behaviour affect you negatively, rather let your behaviour affect another person positively’’. You always have the choice.

IT’S YOUR CHOICE

You can’t choose how other people treat you, but you can choose how to act. You can choose to love when hated and even smile when persecuted.  It might appear weak but the true demonstration of power are those who are in control of their emotion. Its actually Biblical. (Proverbs 16:32) 

When dealing with others, we can act negatively towards them or choose to act favourably to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

So tell me how do you manage your emotions? Please leave a comment in the box below. Thanks for stopping by and if you found this article useful use the share buttons below to share with others.

Further reading

(1)      The 21 Immutable Laws of Relationships by Gregory Ijowola

(2)     The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Book Review – The 7 Commandments of Foolishness

I am doing the 31 Day Proverbs challenge with Elevation church and I decided to buy and review the short book written by the leading Pastor Godman Akinlabi titled ''The 7 Commandments of Foolishness'. It’s a light book with only 76 pages which you can read within two hours, especially if you are a fast reader like me.

Here are my nuggets and thoughts from the book which jumped out at me. I will go through each foolish commandment.

1. Thou shall not think

 ''Think intentionally and be focused''. How many of us do that? The author says engaging in deep thinking is a habit forming activity...''Don’t swap wisdom for pleasure''. When you stop questioning you really stop learning. When I was at University I did a module in Critical Thinking. It helped me think out of the box, so now I question the heck out of everything. It is not a sin to question. 

2. If it feels good, do it

Some people use this as a reason to commit all sorts of sins. The author reminds us that we are not a feeling. We are a spirit. Feelings may change but the truth remains the same. Let that digest. Don’t be a slave to your emotions. ''I really cant control myself is not a reason to beat up your wife or say abusive words to your husband''. Have self-control.

3. Thou shall never be serious

Is it cool to be fun loving and playful all the time? The author thinks differently. He cites the Word which says ''There is a season for everything''. He says there is nothing wrong with having a laugh or being of good cheer, just not all the time.

Here are a few clues of unseriousness from the book 

They never take responsibility

They never have a written plan or goal

They live for shortcuts

They overlook the little things

4. Thou shall have foolish friends

Who are in your circle? The author reminds us of Proverbs verse that if you surround yourself with the wrong kind of people, just one evil suggestion can corrupt your heart and jeopardize your future. (Proverbs 13:20)

Do not hang around with people of questionable morals. Learn to identify foolishness from afar. Review your circles and make sure you are not surrounded by fools.

5. Thou shall stick to thy guns

Stubbornness is truly required for long term foolishness says the author. Here are some sign of such character: Refusal to repent, refusal to forgive, refusal to love, refusal to give, refusal to learn, refusal to admit wrong doing.

6. Thou shall have a biased memory

Some people have selective amnesia. They choose to forget the things that are unfavorable things. The author states such a person forgets that pain can be an instructor.  He states that practicing selective amnesia is a quick way to secure a place in the realm of foolishness. I'm sure we all have examples of such seasons. 

What about those that never remember good things? The author  shares about the Jewish Phenomenon and in spite of  their great persecution and hardship, the Jews have excelled in every field. Why is this? Hanukah festival is where they remember how God delivered them and this gives them great confidence. 

The author reminds us to always remember what the Lord has done.  Remembering will give us the grace to plough through any challenge we may face in the future.  May we never forget God's benefits.

7. Thou shall continually criticize

Remember the people of Israel. They complained about everything and some people still do the same today.  People that whine all the time are like children. They complain about everything. They don’t take responsibility and blame everyone else for their woes.  A wise person is critic free always taking the time to check themselves and take 100% responsibility for their actions.

He ends by saying it’s not enough to have knowledge. You must apply it. That’s wisdom. Remember that wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. (James 3:13-17)

In conclusion, the author sites that Wisdom is always a principal thing. More importantly spiritual wisdom is what one should seek. The great thing is that once you gain wisdom, you have the choice to change your ways or remain in your foolishness.

Thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and share with others.

MICHELLE OBAMA ON SELF WORTH & LIFE LESSONS

This interview was conducted before Michelle Obama left office as the First Lady of America. We love this video clip in Raising Confident Girls platform. I have watched it so many times, especially when it first came out. I am so glad that a member shared it to us again this week. Here are 18 Keys lessons that I noted from her inspiring talk

1. Self-worth and self-value are so important.

2. Time management is also important

Especially time for yourself.

3. Know your value and don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

4. Like who you are but you’ve got to work at it.

5. There’s a journey to getting to know and love yourself.

6. Surround yourself with goodness and good people who lift you up.

7. Parents nurture your children. It really helps boost self-esteem and self-worth.

8. You don’t have to listen to every negative stuff on social media. You can block the haters.

9. The best revenge is success and good work.

10.            Be of service.

11.            Be authentically yourself.

12.            We never arrive. We are always evolving.

13.            For men - Be better Fathers and show girls what it's like to be loved. That way she’s unlikely to be mistreated when she’s older. Don’t babysit your children. Be there for them.

14.            No one has it all, despite what you see on social media.

15.            You live life through phases.

16.            We have never arrived. The work continues.

17.            Never be compliance. Things can be taken away if we are not vigilant.

18.            And finally don’t be ignorant - In my mind that means gain knowledge, read, seek and be a critical thinker. Ask questions. Don’t always believe everything you are told. Question everything.  

Click here to watch the full interview

Thanks for stopping by. What did you learn from her talk? Did it inspire you?Please leave a message in the comment box. If you found this information useful please share with others.