WHO CONTROLS YOUR EMOTIONS?

I believe that if we can conquer managing our emotions, we will have a more peaceful and rewarding life. In 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Cowey says, ''We should not let the actions of others dictate our reactions''. He went on further to say rather our principles and values should dictate our action. Otherwise we will become a social weather; which means when you are treated well, you feel good, when people treat you bad, you respond by mirroring their negativity and then it becomes a vicious circle. 

John Maxwell states that people treat us according to how they see themselves rather than how we really are, we shouldnt take negative behaviour personally and be so reactive.

BETTER WAY

There is a better way. Stephen Cowey states that proactive people carry their own weather. They are not driven by the behavior of others, rather they are driven by their values. Here’s a classic example: If your values are love, even if people are not loving to you, you can still respond in love. 

To further buttress this views , my husband always says “Don’t let another person’s behaviour affect you negatively, rather let your behaviour affect another person positively’’. You always have the choice.

IT’S YOUR CHOICE

You can’t choose how other people treat you, but you can choose how to act. You can choose to love when hated and even smile when persecuted.  It might appear weak but the true demonstration of power are those who are in control of their emotion. Its actually Biblical. (Proverbs 16:32) 

When dealing with others, we can act negatively towards them or choose to act favourably to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

So tell me how do you manage your emotions? Please leave a comment in the box below. Thanks for stopping by and if you found this article useful use the share buttons below to share with others.

Further reading

(1)      The 21 Immutable Laws of Relationships by Gregory Ijowola

(2)     The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Book Review – The 7 Commandments of Foolishness

I am doing the 31 Day Proverbs challenge with Elevation church and I decided to buy and review the short book written by the leading Pastor Godman Akinlabi titled ''The 7 Commandments of Foolishness'. It’s a light book with only 76 pages which you can read within two hours, especially if you are a fast reader like me.

Here are my nuggets and thoughts from the book which jumped out at me. I will go through each foolish commandment.

1. Thou shall not think

 ''Think intentionally and be focused''. How many of us do that? The author says engaging in deep thinking is a habit forming activity...''Don’t swap wisdom for pleasure''. When you stop questioning you really stop learning. When I was at University I did a module in Critical Thinking. It helped me think out of the box, so now I question the heck out of everything. It is not a sin to question. 

2. If it feels good, do it

Some people use this as a reason to commit all sorts of sins. The author reminds us that we are not a feeling. We are a spirit. Feelings may change but the truth remains the same. Let that digest. Don’t be a slave to your emotions. ''I really cant control myself is not a reason to beat up your wife or say abusive words to your husband''. Have self-control.

3. Thou shall never be serious

Is it cool to be fun loving and playful all the time? The author thinks differently. He cites the Word which says ''There is a season for everything''. He says there is nothing wrong with having a laugh or being of good cheer, just not all the time.

Here are a few clues of unseriousness from the book 

They never take responsibility

They never have a written plan or goal

They live for shortcuts

They overlook the little things

4. Thou shall have foolish friends

Who are in your circle? The author reminds us of Proverbs verse that if you surround yourself with the wrong kind of people, just one evil suggestion can corrupt your heart and jeopardize your future. (Proverbs 13:20)

Do not hang around with people of questionable morals. Learn to identify foolishness from afar. Review your circles and make sure you are not surrounded by fools.

5. Thou shall stick to thy guns

Stubbornness is truly required for long term foolishness says the author. Here are some sign of such character: Refusal to repent, refusal to forgive, refusal to love, refusal to give, refusal to learn, refusal to admit wrong doing.

6. Thou shall have a biased memory

Some people have selective amnesia. They choose to forget the things that are unfavorable things. The author states such a person forgets that pain can be an instructor.  He states that practicing selective amnesia is a quick way to secure a place in the realm of foolishness. I'm sure we all have examples of such seasons. 

What about those that never remember good things? The author  shares about the Jewish Phenomenon and in spite of  their great persecution and hardship, the Jews have excelled in every field. Why is this? Hanukah festival is where they remember how God delivered them and this gives them great confidence. 

The author reminds us to always remember what the Lord has done.  Remembering will give us the grace to plough through any challenge we may face in the future.  May we never forget God's benefits.

7. Thou shall continually criticize

Remember the people of Israel. They complained about everything and some people still do the same today.  People that whine all the time are like children. They complain about everything. They don’t take responsibility and blame everyone else for their woes.  A wise person is critic free always taking the time to check themselves and take 100% responsibility for their actions.

He ends by saying it’s not enough to have knowledge. You must apply it. That’s wisdom. Remember that wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. (James 3:13-17)

In conclusion, the author sites that Wisdom is always a principal thing. More importantly spiritual wisdom is what one should seek. The great thing is that once you gain wisdom, you have the choice to change your ways or remain in your foolishness.

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MICHELLE OBAMA ON SELF WORTH & LIFE LESSONS

This interview was conducted before Michelle Obama left office as the First Lady of America. We love this video clip in Raising Confident Girls platform. I have watched it so many times, especially when it first came out. I am so glad that a member shared it to us again this week. Here are 18 Keys lessons that I noted from her inspiring talk

1. Self-worth and self-value are so important.

2. Time management is also important

Especially time for yourself.

3. Know your value and don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

4. Like who you are but you’ve got to work at it.

5. There’s a journey to getting to know and love yourself.

6. Surround yourself with goodness and good people who lift you up.

7. Parents nurture your children. It really helps boost self-esteem and self-worth.

8. You don’t have to listen to every negative stuff on social media. You can block the haters.

9. The best revenge is success and good work.

10.            Be of service.

11.            Be authentically yourself.

12.            We never arrive. We are always evolving.

13.            For men - Be better Fathers and show girls what it's like to be loved. That way she’s unlikely to be mistreated when she’s older. Don’t babysit your children. Be there for them.

14.            No one has it all, despite what you see on social media.

15.            You live life through phases.

16.            We have never arrived. The work continues.

17.            Never be compliance. Things can be taken away if we are not vigilant.

18.            And finally don’t be ignorant - In my mind that means gain knowledge, read, seek and be a critical thinker. Ask questions. Don’t always believe everything you are told. Question everything.  

Click here to watch the full interview

Thanks for stopping by. What did you learn from her talk? Did it inspire you?Please leave a message in the comment box. If you found this information useful please share with others. 

KNOW YOUR VALUE

I live in an environment where value is often measured by what a person drives, what designers they have, who they know or how wealthy they appear. Wealth is nice and can bring great comforts but its important to put it into perspective. Net-worth is not self-worth. Some individuals lack confidence because they have limiting beliefs and don’t even recognise their own value. 

Recognise Your Value

How can you know your value if you don’t recognise it? What are you basing your value on? Is it based on how people treat you? How much money you have? What position you have in society? How many followers you have on instagram? Who you know?  What others tell you about yourself? These are limiting beliefs about value because a person's circumstance can change. In addition, people's opinion and the way they treat you can be fickle. You're popular today and ignored tomorrow.  In order to feel valuable you have to recognise your own value. Yes You.

I write this as a person who has been through this experience of limiting value. But Thank God for Jesus. As a believer, I recognise that my value is from God. My DNA comes from HIM. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I recognise that I am made in HIS image. As a child of God, I am assured that I am of inestimable value. I am a masterpiece. In fact if you were to price my value, I am simply priceless. Do you feel the same about yourself?

Believe Your Value

When you recognise your value, then you have to believe in your value. You have to believe with all your heart and with your entire mind and with all your soul that you are indeed valuable.

Once you believe in your value, you will start walking in the power of your belief.  You wont put yourself in environments where your self worth is compromised. You won't be around people that don't value you. Your step will change. You will present yourself like a person of value. You will walk with your head high irrespective of your circumstance because you know who you are. It starts with belief.

Get rid of stick thinking

Accept Your Value

When you believe your value,  the next step is full acceptance of who you are. You will accept yourself as a unique individual who is a gift to the world. You wont be swayed by people’s opinion of you because your belief system is grounded.  

Those that accept themselves focus on their strengths and not weaknesses. Have you accepted your value?

It is not enough to find your value and keep it all to yourself. Once you are discover your value, you should aim to make others feel valuable to. That way everyone benefits. 

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DISMANTLING FALSE OR LIMITING BELIEFS WITH TAIYE ALUKO

Today was an interesting, interactive and informative seminar about Dismantling False or Limiting Beliefs with Taiye Aluko. 
I was a guest speaker and spoke about my journey of getting rid of limiting beliefs, which subsequently birthed the movement ''Raising Confident Girls Initiative''. 

Taiye started the session by asking some imperative questions. Here are just some of the questions that she asked. What is belief? What is your standard of measure? What are your limiting beliefs? Whose standard did you use to arriving at a limiting belief that holds you back?  

Here are some limiting beliefs that she shared

SELF

I am too old

I am not qualified

I am not good enough

I don’t have what it takes

I am not an expert

There are no good men out there

People will disrespect me because I am a women

OTHERS

People are not to be trusted

Men cannot stay faithful with one woman

Domestic staff cannot be trusted

COUNTRY BELIEF

Nothing good can come out of Nigeria

Nigeria is doomed

Nigerians are no good

Nigeria can never get better

Practical Steps to Dismantling Limiting Beliefs

In an interview style, I shared my journey with Taiye. In summary, there was a season when I soaked myself in limiting beliefs which stemmed from childhood and resurfaced in adulthood. Healing came when I was able to identify the limiting beliefs and take practical steps to change it. 

What practical steps did I take to get rid of my limiting beliefs? 

Firstly, I had to be totally honest with myself and identify my limiting beliefs and pray for guidance. Then I soaked myself in positive information which helped get rid of those limited beliefs. I read books like Success Principles, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway just to mention a few. I watched inspirational videos. I created affirmations and picked out Bible passages that confirmed by new beliefs. I created a vision board. I attended motivational seminars and events. 

I started writing blogs and teaching girls about confidence. I sought deep meaningful relationships with people that shared similar values and similar beliefs. As I took baby steps, slowly those old limited beliefs disappeared and a solid belief system appeared. In 2014 Raising Confident Girls and purpose was birthed.

http://www.raisingconfidentgirls.org/

So today when Taiye asked us to fill a list of belief statements. I confidently ticked the following and added some more of my own.

I am responsible for my choices and outcomes

I am valuable 

I can be the best at whatever I set out to do

I have what it takes to achieve my goals

I am confident

I am a gift to the world 

I am awesome 

I matter

and so do YOU

Lessons Learned from Taiye's seminar

* If you accept a limiting belief then it will become true for you.

* What you believe will speak to your ability and your ability will speak to your behaviour.

* You cannot begin a journey of purpose until you dismantle limiting beliefs.

* You must challenge your belief system 

* Replace old limiting truths with new truths

* Make new positive truths

So that's it from me. Did you have limiting beliefs? What steps did you take to get rid of them?

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9 AFRICAN MAGIC MOMENTS IN LAGOS

Today is 9 years of living in this exciting town called Lagos and to mark the anniversary I want to share 9 African Magic moments of living here that will never be forgotten.

Lekki  Epe Expressway

1.       First Training Experience

My first experience of working in Lagos was delivering Customer Service Training on behalf of Customer Centricity which is owned by Mrs Uloma Umeano. On one such occasion I delivered training to bank security guards. My accent was just too fresh, too English and too Oyiboish for the security guards to understand what I was saying. To top that I had no knowledge of the local lingo. You know Lagos phrases that are familiar to us locals (Yes I'm now a local hehehe). I am sure they were like… ‘’wetin dis babe dey yan sef’’ and they carried on staring at me and looking somewhat confused. Talk about being thrown in the deep end but looking back it was really quite funny, good experience and thank God that I've gone on to deliver more training. 

2.       Drama At The Back Roads

Hmmmm and then I had major drama. My former driver Mr Amos decided to go through the back beach route to avoid major traffic on the Lekki Epe Express road. I was cautious  because I'd heard horror stories. He said, ‘’Don’t worry ma I know what I’m doing’’ On his route to doing what he said he knew he was doing, our vehicle sunk in the sand and before you could say boo, area boys surrounded our vehicle in the middle of nowhere. I just wanted to hide and curl up in the car. To say that I was scared is an understatement. Thankfully, the area boys were not bad boys and as long as we had cash, they helped us out from the sand. 

I didn’t fire Mr Amos but warned him never to pull that stunt again. He smiled and said ‘’ Yes ma.’’

Fond memories singing ''We are the World'' 

3.       Wow Divas Cancer Charity Ball

I joined a network in 2011 called WOW Divas (now known as iWOW) which is founded by Udo Okonjo. I was part of the volunteer committee and was involved in delivering impactful activities and events such as Breast Cancer and Autism Awareness.  I have fond memories of that season especially the Charity Ball.  It was really memorable and I was part of a choir singing ‘’’We are the World’’ and ''Heal the World''. Move over Sister Act lol. I learned a lot about Passion, Purpose and Possibilities from that season and I've also made great sister friends that will last a lifetime. I'm grateful. 

Here's a clip of our song at the Charity Ball

4.       Subsidiary Drama

During the crisis of the subsidiary, I recall our estate having a black out, No electricity for 5 days and further to that, we had thugs at our entrance gate, threatening to come inside and cause harm. Thank God it was all sorted but that was a scary period. Never been at home for 5 days before. Never been so scared but you know the saying, ''What doesnt kill you makes you stronger''. 

Book Launch and Gala delivered for ACAN managed by Majestically Rare

5.       Majestically Rare

When I started my business 6 years ago, like many start ups, I was all over the place delivering events for ALL occassions. I delivered children's parties,  milestone parties and weddings.  I soon discovered a niche for SME's grew into delivering corporate events, marketing consultancy and training. I am grateful for amazing projects and collaborations. Check out a clip below of a role play at one of our High Impact Business Growth workshops staring my husband - scene one Action!

6.       Impacting Through Speaking

I've been blessed to speak on various platforms since arriving in Lagos but one that was heartfelt was speaking at University of Lagos Women Society 50^th Anniversary event and speaking to widows from their Alumni. It was such a pleasure to give widows hope, based on three case studies of three widows that are doing their best despite their circumstances. 

7.       Deepened Friendships

I love deep meaningful friendships but when you move to a new city it is often difficult connecting with people that understand you and vice versa. At one point I thought I was never going to make deep friendships and I longed for my girlies in London. Glad to say that I have connected with a few ladies that I know will be life long friends by God's grace.  Too many to name but you know yourselves and thank you for the love! Mwah

I have a dream that All girls will be confident and see themselves as valuable

It takes a Village to Raise a Girl

8.       Raising Confident Girls

I've been fortunate give talks at several Lagos schools and groups including Meadow Hall School, Great Scholars, Chrisland School, St Saviours Brownies, Queens College Lagos and TPH Junior Church just to name a few since relocating. But my major calling has always leaned towards girls, especially ones that suffer from low self-esteem and low confidence.  It is no wonder that Raising Confident Girls was coined in 2014 and became the NGO last year. It’s been so purposeful.

From Lagos to Owerri

9.       My Igba Nkwu – Lagos Shopping

Last but not least, my story would not be complete if I dont mention our Igba Nkwu that happened this year. It took place in Owerri but the major shopping for Igba Nkwu items came from Lagos.  My cuz, Faith Okolie escorted me to Balogun market where I was spoilt for choice and found my beautiful George Material. Nkechi Abii, a brilliant Lagos fashion designer sowed my beautiful bridal outfit with care. Little Weavers, a well known afrocentic brand provided my husband and boys wear. My hair was designed by Chinaza at the Moonlight in Ikota. My girlies Ogo and Winifred made sure my jewelry were on point. When I hit my village, my people knew I was arriving from Lagos in style….wink. Thankful for my Lagos peeps who flew in to Owerri to grace the occasion too. 

The City that never sleeps

So there you have them, 9 African Magic moments in Lagos. As I look back I thank God for all these experiences. Who knows what the next 9 years will bring? Will I still be in Lagos or somewhere over the rainbow where blue birds fly? Only God knows where the wind will blow but one thing is for sure, if God is for me, I know it will be a great journey.

Thanks for stopping by. Please feel free to leave a comment and if the article inspired or made you smile, please feel free to share. 

CONFIDENCE IS EVERYTHING

I recently put a call out across social media asking to finish this sentence, ''Confidence is…..''

and a bundle of different responses came through which isn’t surprising.

HERE ARE SOME OF THEM

‘’Owning who you are and walking boldly in your skin and choices’’ Ifeoma Igweze

‘’Constantly reminding yourself of God’s presence at all times in every single situation’’. Ope Onaboye

‘’Being conscious of how valuable you are to yourself and others’’. Joy Felix

‘’Being who you are and loving it, no matter what others think’’. Toyin Muyi

You can see from the above responses that confidence is really everything and without aiming to build confidence in all aspects of your life, you might feel ’’less’’ than you should.

Here are some areas of confidence that we should build on

Confidence In Your Relationship With God

Confidence in God is essential for believers. You just have to truly believe that God’s got your back. When you know that you have done all that you can do,   you have to put your total trust in God. That is confidence in HIM. How do you get this? You have to totally believe and trust in HIM. You have to pray and meditate on HIS Word day and Night literally. You have to recall the times that God did it for you and know that HE will do it again at his perfect time.

Confidence With Your Other Half

If you don’t have confidence in your partner, then the relationship will be a struggle.  How do you gain trust? Make sure your partner is your best friend. Communication is key. Speak to your partner. Understand your partner. Be open and vulnerable. There is no room for pretending with your partner. Your partner has to be your ‘’All and All’’.

Confidence With Friendships

The wrong friend can knock your confidence so its essential that you seek the right ones for you. Do an audit of your friendships and lean in on the ones that build your confidence. These are friendships that are kind, supportive and not highly competitive or envious. It takes openness, even with difficult conversations to build confidence in friendships. There may be seasons of quietness because of the busyness of life but if you’ve built a solid foundation, you will always catch up where you left off because you have confidence in the friendship.

Confidence With Your Health And Fitness Goals

When you are not fit and healthy it can affect your confidence. You may start to compare your body image to others. Your mental wellbeing may also be affected.  You can achieve those health and fitness goals.  You just have to believe you can. Be disciplined and take baby steps to achieve your goals. 

Confidence In Business Or Work

If want to achieve confidence in business or work then aim for excellence. How do you achieve this? In business, do your research. Find out everything you can on how to run your business in the most effective and efficient way. Skill up and go on training. Network.

If you are an employee, be an effective team player. Go beyond your job role and learn everything you need to know about your job and the company. 

Knowledge builds confidence

Confidence In Yourself

Finally you need to build confidence in yourself because if you don’t nobody else will. If you don’t have confidence in yourself it gives others an opportunity to mock and control you. You have to believe that you are worthy to all that life has to offer, just like anyone else. So go out there and be confident.

Special thanks to my Facebook Family, Raising Confident Girls Family and Instagram family for helping me with this exercise.

If you haven’t answered the question, what is confidence to you? Please let us know in the comment box and feel free to share this post.

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