MY EXPERIENCE OF BEING A WOMAN IN NAIJA!

This is my 3rd week of being on holiday and Ive had a chance to reflect on my experiences of two worlds that are poles apart. Every time I step out of Naija, I’m able to reflect on my experiences of being a woman in Nigeria. Women in my country are under so much pressure. I’ve been intrigued for the past 10 years with trying to understand the complexities and this is what I discovered. 

EXPECTATIONS 

It’s expected that a woman will meet the man of her dreams by mid 20s, have at least 3 children (including a boy) and a thriving career. That title of being a wife is so high in her selfworth and unfortunately some men use it as a weapon to marginalize  her. “After all I married you” they will say. If a woman is not married and doesn’t have children then the pressure is more intense.  Some women have resorted to going into hiding or avoiding others at all costs because of the pressure and the labels. The struggle is real. 

THE MEN

Unfortunately in this 21st century, some men in my country treat their wives unequally. Forget partnerships, these men have clubs of which the wives are not included. That means come weekends, these men are always with their boys: hanging with boys, drinking with the boys, meeting with the boys. Romance! What’s that? He doesn’t want to indulge himself in anything romantic mainly because he’s hanging out with the boys or his mistress. You should be lucky he married you! Sigh. So a lot of women are stuck in loveless marriages where both have become house mates rather than lovers.  

COMPETITION 

Coupled with the above I can see where intense competition with other women arises. I believe it’s societal pressure that causes the rivalry. Each wanting to prove to each other that she is better or more worthy. Most Nigerian women I’ve come across are wary of each other. It’s not surprising though. If you are pregnant you dare not share your expected date with anyone. It’s just not done. If your expecting good news you dare not share it. Mistrust is not a foundation for confidence but in  Naija,  you can’t trust anyone; well not totally. 

INSECURITY

So how can you expect the average Nigerian Woman to be inwardly secure when there’s so much external pressure surrounding her? So she wields her security with outward things: her career, her husband, her children, her gold, her bag, her weaves, her status but there’s something deep within her that is not fulfilled.  She just wants to be free. She just wants to be herself.

WOMEN EMPOWERMENT 

There are quite a few empowerment groups that have evolved to tackle some of the issues and I commend them. In my opinion, a good place to start is changing one's mindset and here are a few questions for my fellow Nigerian women that might help us. 

Can you let go of societal pressures? That means there’s no pressure for you to keep up with the Olaniyan’s or Okafor’s. 

Can you be true to yourself? Just be completely yourself without putting a front. 

Can you take off the mask? Stop pretending to be something you’re not. 

Can you be free to be yourself completely? Be childlike but not childish. 

Can you trust others? That means letting your guards down and revealing the real you and not the “social media” you. 

Can you accept your weaknesses? When we accept our weaknesses then we can improve on our overall character and personality. 

Can you accept that you can’t have everything figured out? We can work with what’s in front of us, step by step. “Our unique and individual selves”.  I think once we can answer the above honestly it’s a huge step towards being free. 

Please let me know your thoughts and please share with others. Thanks for stopping by, with love always 

RiRi

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LAKE GARDA IN PICTURES

LAKE GARDA IN PICTURES

We just got back from a short break in Lake Garda Italy and the experience was amazing. When you first arrive at Rive de Garda the first feature you notice is the breath-taking view of the beautiful lakes. The only way to describe it is pure paradise. 

LOCATION OF HOTEL

If you're like me and you love meeting and observing people (wink) then it’s best to find a hotel in the city centre. We stayed at Hotel Sole which was bang in the middle. There was so much going on including an opportunity to observe the scenery of the lakes and to watch all the activities. 

THE PEOPLE 

Grazie (thank you) and Ciao (hello) are words that I learnt so fluently because that’s what the locals say. The Italians are not known to be smilers like Thai people for example, but if you smile first and show warmth then it’s likely to be reciprocated. At one point we were the only blacks in the village but we didn’t mind. I’m sure they thought we were celebrities.  Well these confident girls came up to us and wanted a photo opportunity for a project. We gladly accepted to pose. 

WITH CONFIDENT GIRLS 

LETS TALK ABOUT FOOD 

Our short break was not an ''all you can eat vacation''. We ate breakfast and had a light dinner in the evening. Can you believe that we came all the way to Italy and didn’t eat pasta? But that was by choice.  That said, we did try out one or two nice restaurants and the food was delicious. 
I got to taste Octopus for the first time and was pleasantly surprised.  It tasted like squid! I was so observant watching all the staff as they served us with a smile. Customer service was excellence. 

SEA FOOD MIX 

ROASTED OCTOPUS ACCOMPANIED WITH BORAGE PESTO, POTATOES & PEAS

SLOW COOKED BABY PORK DELICATE STEWED PEPPERS AND SMOKE EGGPLANT

ORGANIC TOMATO CREAM, BUFFALO MOZZAREALLA

ITALIAN ICE CREAM 

Where we missed out on eating Italian pasta, it was quickly made up with the Ice Cream; lots and lots of Ice Cream partly because it was located right next to our hotel. All I can say is ''Simply the Best''.

THINGS TO DO 

My husband is not your typical Naija man and I will explain lol. He likens himself to an outlier. He appreciates other cultures and ensured we did everything to appreciate Italian culture. So we walked a lot, chatted with the locals, viewed a lot of buildings, cycled a bit and he swam in the lake while I paddled. We also got to experience Italian fine dining at its best. 

NICE BUILDINGS

There are beautiful buildings in this part of the world and my husband appreciated them more than me hahaha probably because he studied architecture at University. He visited a few museums and spent hours. I escorted him to one. That was enough for me lol. 

THE WEATHER

It was beautiful and up to 30c on most days. It did rain on one day but it dried up very quickly. 

OUR VIEW FROM OUR ROOM

GIVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

I can’t take any credit for finding this short break. All credit goes to my darling husband Munachi who researched, booked and asked if I would like to go and I humbly agreed (wink). 

OVERALL VERDICT

For a short break, Lake Garda gets our thumbs up. Great weekend romantic getaway especially for those celebrating their wedding anniversary. Our 19th anniversary is coming up on the 4th of September, so an early treat without our darling children was truly appreciated! Maybe we wont have to wait 15 years to do something like this again. We give God all the glory! 

Thanks for stopping by till next time...

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NETWORKING FOR SUCCESS

NETWORKING FOR SUCCESS

On a recent air flight to London, rather than watch the latest movies, I decided to watch some documentaries  including one about the power of networking. It was a very interesting series. Some of what I share here is from that documentary and some from my personal experience of networking.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 

When you hear the word networking, you may assume it means meeting lots of people and gaining as many contacts as possible. But have you noticed that nothing positive comes from such a tactic apart from having a list of names and business cards of people you can’t remember.  

Networking when conducted properly can be a very beneficial experience for all involved. Networking is a two way street. It is a way of getting to know another person better and finding ways that you can help each other. It does requires commitment to keep up the relationships, once a connection is established.

Below are tactics that will work.

BUILD MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS

At events make introductions with others. Ask them about themselves. Always be interested in what you can give and not what you can get. Once you have connected set aside time for one on one meetings. It is better to seek one or two people at events rather than try to connect with everyone in the room.

BE A PEOPLE’s PERSON

People are drawn to others who come across as positive, confident and interesting. Make sure you project these attributes in order to attract the right networks. Your positive attributes will help you get better and lasting results.

THE ART OF GIVING BACK

If you network with the intention of getting, you will not be successful at networking. Change your mindset about networking with no strings attached. Think about how you can help others with things they care about. Invite new contacts to events you are already attending or share valuable information that might interest them, like this blog post (wink) 

HOW TO HOST YOUR OWN NETWORKING EVENT

At my High Impact Business Workshops, we deliberately make time for participants to find out more about each other and exchange business cards. I have witnessed friendships and business collaborations develop from such exchange. For your events, determine what type of event to hold. Choose who to invite. Decide the event structure. Find a time for everyone to introduce themselves.

HOW TO NETWORK THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA

Another way to network is to make connections through social media. You can do this in several ways such as send a request friend request or follow the network. Comment on their updates, Retweet posts, Share their new stories. Write congratulatory posts. Develop the connections but don't be a stalker.

Speaking from personal experience, I have met interesting people, developed great partnerships and had some amazing business contacts through networking. If it can work for me, it can surely work for you.

I hope these points help. Thanks for stopping by and please share your experience in the comment box. Has networking worked for you or has it been a nightmare?

Photo Credit: Majestically Rare High Impact Workshops. Watch out for dates in September.

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TRIPLE EARNINGS IMPROVE VALUE

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TRIPLE YOUR EARNINGS, IMPROVE YOUR VALUE

I believe that every human being has intrinsic value.  I also believe we can improve our market value because consumers don’t just buy goods or services based on price, they buy based on  perceived value. You can actually change your value for the better. Read on. 

I was inspired to write this post after watching a  YouTube video by the late Jim Rohn who was an entrepreneur, motivational speaker and author. Click link below to watch it.

JIM ROHN - INCREASE YOUR VALUE

Jim said, ‘’If YOU change, everything will change around you’’. You don’t have to change what’s on the outside, all you have to do is change what’s on the inside. 

I was blown over by this statement because I have been on this journey for the past 10 years without even realising that it was my insides I was changing. I just didn’t realise that it was indirectly increasing my value not just in the market place but in every aspect of my life.

Jim Rohn says. ‘You don’t get paid for time. You get paid for the value you bring to the market place''. I agree and it takes time to build value.

Is it possible to be more valuable and make twice as much in the same time? Of course and that is why a client will pay you triple the fees you were commanding 5 years ago because they can see your value. That has been my experience.

HOW TO TRIPLE INCOME AND IMPROVE VALUE

1.WORK ON YOURSELF

Jim Rohn was told by his mentor that to become valuable you have ‘’To Work harder on yourself than your job’’. If you work hard on your job you will make a living. If you work hard on yourself you can make a fortune.

2. INVEST IN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

What does look like? For me that means investing in training, attending personal development conferences, workshops and masterclasses and building on my networks. 

3. NETWORK NETWORK

I was once told that the more people you meet, the luckier you become. It makes sense right? That's why networking is valuable. 

4. READ BOOKS

Another way to become more valuable is by investing in books. But dont just invest in books, read at least two books a month. 

HOW HAVE I INCREASED MY VALUE 

·      I have invested in coaching training some years ago with Deji Sobanjo which helped to spin off my High Impact Business Workshops and speaking engagements.

·      I attended a Social Management Training at Lagos Business School which helped the value of the initiative I am part of called ‘’Raising Confident Girls’’. We were able to raise funds to support an under privileged community and plan on doing more. 

·      I attended at least two No Nonsense Masterclass workshops with Udo Okonjo which helped me focus on my life and business goals. Ive been able to tick off some audacious goals this year as a result of the principles shared. 

·      I joined Full Circle Wellness Solutions where I knock heads with other female entrepreneurs to gain ideas to grow my business and we refer each other for business opportunities.

·      I am attending a Live Masterclass with Deji Sobanjo this weekend to gain more knowledge and network with fellow consultants.

TEACH OTHERS

You can also increase your value by teaching others your expert knowledge.

I have taught over 20 Business workshops to several SME’s and corporates across the country in the last two years. I have written over 90 business growth and personal development blogs and contributed to newspapers publications.

All of the above increased my business value.  

How can you increase your value and triple your income - More ways 

WORK ON YOUR VALUES

These are the things you believe in. You attract what you believe in.

WORK ON YOUR PRINCIPLES

Your principles are rules and laws that are permanent, unchanging, universal and guide your behaviour. 

WORK ON YOUR ATTITUDE

This can either be positive or negative. You can either accept responsibility for your life or blame everyone else.

WORK ON YOUR ETIQUETTE

The way you come across can either open doors or close them. Are you polite? Do you say please or thank you? Small gestures create a lasting impression.

WORK ON YOUR LANGUAGE

How you describe yourself and what you do can either increase or decrease perceived value. Make sure you are describing positive aspects of who you are. 

Examples

·      I am a game changer

·      I am an influencer

·      I am people’s person

·      I am a global event planner

WORK ON YOUR COMMUNICATION

This relates to how you communicate your brand to your market place. Are you communicating value? What problems are you solving? Is this communicated in your marketing literature?

WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Are you able to manage your emotions? Do you have empathy? Are you able to understand others? If you do this, you will increase your value.

WORK ON YOUR SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

Do you have the ability to get on with others? Do you have the ability to focus on similarities rather than differences? When you go out of your way to get on with others its builds your value. You will be sought after because others know that you genuinely care.

WORK ON YOUR CONFIDENCE

I believe that improving your confidence is the game changer for building your value. When you believe in yourself, you give permission for others to believe in you too.

When you work on all of the above, your income and value will increase in the market place and beyond.

Thanks for stopping by to read this blog. Please feel free to leave a comment and share with others.

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10 YEARS ON