HAVE YOU BEEN GAS LIGHTED?

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who is a deep thinker like me. Both of us are quite observant when it comes to human behavior and we sometimes have quite interesting psychological conversations. We also talk a lot about forms of abuse and how to protect our loved ones especially girls that we mentor and are part of RAISING CONFIDENT GIRLS movement.

My friend mentioned a word that I wasn’t familiar with called Gaslighting. So I immediately conducted research.  What I discovered wasnt a surprise because I have come across such behavior before but I still found the research englightening. I hope you find the nuggets in this blog post useful.

Please read on below.

What is Gas Lighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in you; making you question your own memory, perception, and sanity. People that display such behavior lack integrity. They can be anyone from a parent, teacher, boss, colleague, partner, sibling, close friend and even a pastor. Gas lighting is a means of control to dismiss the other person's emotions. 

How To Identify a Gas Lighter

1. They are master liars. They have no shame or guilt about lying.

2. If they are caught out they will always change the subject or disappear.

3. They shift the blame back to you so that you end up confused about your experience.

4. They wear you down over time with their constant manipulation.

5. Their actions dont match their words.

Here are some Red Flags statements a Gas Lighter will use especially when confronted

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about’’

‘’You’re over reacting’’

‘’You are confused’’

‘’It’s all in your head’’

‘’That didn’t happen’’

‘’You’re making it up’’

‘’You are so sensitive’’

‘’Why would I do that?’’

‘’Why would I say that?’’

‘’You always jump to the wrong conclusion’’

‘’You never see the best in others’’

‘’You’re reading too much into this’’

How Can You Protect Yourself 

1. Know Thyself

Make sure you don’t change your story. Know your version of reality. Trust your story and don’t let it be erased. The gaslighter might try to bully you but be defiant in what you know. If need be, keep a journal and write things down when dealing with such people because they are extremely manipulative.  Your story will be your testimony and you never know when you will need it. It will also save you from thinking you are going crazy. A friend once told me that her previous boss made her feel like she was loosing it and that after leaving her job it took her 3 months to get back to her normal self.

2. Dont Expect Accountability

Gas lighters never ever admit they are wrong. Nothing that comes up is ever their fault. So you may find yourself going in circles with the same issue. The solution: Play the fool. People reveal much about their feelings and intentions if you play along with what they what they are saying. But keep them at arm’s length if you can.

3. Stop Engaging So MUCH

Quit trying to get any sensible response from Gas Lighters because they are in their own bubble and lack integrity. Engaging with someone who is a Gas lighter means you will never feel heard. The solution is to reduce conversations where their integrity is at stake and don’t even get into confrontation.

4. Develop a Healthy Detachment

It doesn’t mean total detachment but it means creating strong boundaries. A friend once said about her Gaslighting mum, ‘’She tries to manipulate me all the time but I don’t let her get to my heart. When she sends me a text, I don’t respond immediately’’. My friend has a healthy detachment.

5. Opt Out of Power Struggles

Avoid right or wrong debates with such a person. Gas Lighters never ever admit that they are wrong because their ego cant cope with it. Change the topic if provoked. If you have been gas lighted and are feeling confused, talk to a trusted friend. Trust your gut feeling. If someone's behavior to you feels wrong, then it probably is wrong.

We live in a world were there is increased behavioral disorders so we need to equip ourselves with knowledge.  

Lets not forget the golden rule. Do unto others as you would like done to you.  Dont be a Gas lighter!

I do hope you learnt something new. There's so much information on google or YouTube if you want to dig deeper. Please leave a comment as I love to engage and learn from you too. Please send to others who may benefit.

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About Author

RiRi Okoye is a dedicated Events Planner, business trainer and speaker, who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare Events to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision. A world where every girl is confident.