I am always in pursuit of drastically improving the
quality of my life and picked up this book called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Dont do, by Amy Morin. There are so many
challenges in the world today and if you don’t develop mental strength you can
actually break down especially in a place like Lagos where the levels of stress are quite high. The traffic alone at times is enough to give one an extreme headache. The book offers easy steps to manage mental stress which I have listed below with my own additional comments.
1. They
don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves
It’s a waste
of time feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not productive. Rather than feel sorry
for yourself, look for solutions to solve the issue. The
author suggests we behave in a manner that makes it hard for us to feel sorry
for ourselves. Replace thoughts that encourage self pity and find ways
to be grateful.
2. They
don’t give away their power
Are you the type of person that gives away your power this I mean giving others to power to control how you think, feel and behave? Maybe you are not assertive and cant say NO. How does one get
their power back? There’s so much advice in the book but the biggest one is to take total responsibility for your actions. Nobody can use you, unless you let
them. Also choose to forgive those who you gave your power away to and start today to be in control.
3. They
don’t shy away from change
Change is
inevitable and one has to develop a plan to adapt to change. I relocated to
Lagos in 2008 and it took me a while to adapt to Lagos life. What would have I
done differently? Change my mindset and realise that change is normal. Embrace change.
4. They
don’t focus on things they can’t control
This is a challenge for some people especially leaders. But leaders should focus on the things that they can control. Leaders should influence others without trying to control them and practice acceptance. The author says that when we stop trying to control every aspect of our life, we will have more time and energy to devote to things we can control.
5. They
don’t worry about pleasing everyone
People pleasing is linked with low self-esteem. Some of it is learned behaviour. Maybe you had a
parent who was a people pleaser so you become one. People pleasing damages relationships and it
makes you lose sight of your own values. People pleasers have to learn assertive
techniques and really be firm in saying NO. The author says when you develop strong assertive skills, your confidence will
soar. You will have more time and energy to devote to your goals. You will feel
less stressed. Relationships will become less toxic and you will have increased
will power.
6. They
don’t fear taking calculated risks
This can be a major challenge and cause a
lot of mental stress especially if decisions are based soley on one’s emotions. The author says that what is helpful is
practicing taking risks and monitoring the results so that we can learn from
each risk we take.
7. They
don’t dwell on the past
This is a habit that we need to kick fast if we want
to achieve strong mental health. The authors says that dwelling on the past
distracts us from the presents. She lists a few strategies that can help one
including shifting your thinking and making peace with the past.
8. They
don’t make the same mistakes over and over
If this is something you struggle with then you might want to read this chapter over and over again. If we keep making the
same mistakes they will keep coming back until we learn the lesson. One of
solutions the author suggests is to practice self-discipline. Create a list of
all the reasons why we don’t want to make the same mistake and then we should commit to
sticking to our plan.
9. They
don’t resent other people’s success
Its unreasonable to resent other people’s
success because you don’t know what steps they took to get there. For example, a
famous footballer may have spent mornings and nights in training to get where he is. The author gives steps to curb resentment such as avoid comparing yourself
to other people. Don’t emphasis your
weaknesses. Quit magnifying other people’s strengths. Don’t insult other people’s
accomplishments and I would add to work on yourself and discover your own purpose.
10. They don’t give up after the first failure
If I gave up after the first failure I wouldn’t be in business. Change the way you think about failure. I don’t
think of anything in my life as failure rather lessons learned. The author states that you should view
failures as an opportunity to learn and focus on improving your skills.
11. They don’t fear alone time
I am beginning to appreciate my alone time more these days. Its when I pray and
reflect and take stock of my life. A lot of ideas come when I’m alone. The author says that we should learn how to
appreciate alone time. Journaling is a good way to appreciate your alone time
or writing your thoughts down like I like to do.
12. They don’t feel the world owes them anything
This really means that we take 100% responsibility for our life. Unfortunately,
a lot of people have an entitlement mentality which leads to being very
selfish. The author suggests we should develop the habit of being givers, not
takers. We can never give enough. Always behave like a team player and practice
humility. I would also add to practice empathy – which is putting yourself in
someone else's shoes.
13. They don’t expect immediate results
Mentally strong people are not obsessed
with immediate results. They see the bigger picture and the longer vision. They understand the law of sowing and reaping. The author suggests that we should create realistic expectations of our goals, recognize that progress isn’t always obvious and practice delayed gratification. And this
concludes my summary notes of the book. In summary, I would recommend reading the book chapter by chapter. It is definitely good tool worth investing in.
Good luck and thanks for stopping by. Please leave a comment and share with others who can benefit. Thank you.
