Wednesday 27 June 2018

SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING MORE CHARMING


Why do we love charming people?  A charmer has the power to delight, attract and fascinate others. When you are charming, it works in your favour.  It promotes you. It makes you influential. It opens the door to opportunities, so why not work on your charm. Listed below are a few ways to make yourself more charming.




Smile More

Smiling seems very easy but many people don’t smile enough. Most are consumed by the burdens and challenges of life. Charming people smile more. Smiling shows that you are a warm person. Everyone wants to be around a person who smiles and is happy.  I have landed quite a few opportunities in my life  and I simply put it down to one small factor; my smile. Once I discovered that secret, I worked more on my smile and received more opportunities.



Be Genuinely Interested In Others

Charming people know how to make you feel like you the only one in the world at that moment. They have your full attention. They listen. They take note. 

When you show interest in others, it makes you more charming because people want to know that they matter.



Remember Names

Charming people remember names or important events like birthdays.  People love it when you remember their name. It makes them feel important.  The best thing to do when you meet someone for the first time is repeat their name back. If you have an opportunity, also write it down. Another way to remember a person’s name is to identify something unique about them and link it to their name. 


Be a Good Story Teller

Charmers are great story tellers. They are so imaginative and captivating. You just want to listen to them all day. They know how to get your full attention and their authenticity shines through when sharing their stories. They are always beaming with life. 



Show Human Side

Charming people are not afraid to show their human side. They are vulnerable and can easily open up to their weakness and challenges which makes them more approachable and easier to get along with. People also trust you more when you show your human side.





Have A Sense Of Humour

Charming people are happy people who they don’t take themselves or life too seriously. They are incredibly optimistic and positive.  They can be silly at times for fun but know when to be serious. They always look on the bright side of life. They don’t worry so much because they have faith in God. They are fun to be around. Is that you?

So lets hear from you. What makes others more charming? Please leave a comment and share this post with others. The world will be a better place with more charming people.


Monday 18 June 2018

HAVE YOU BEEN GAS LIGHTED?




Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who is a deep thinker like me. Both of us are quite observant when it comes to human behavior and we sometimes have quite interesting psychological conversations. We also talk a lot about forms of abuse and how to protect our loved ones especially girls that we mentor and are part of RAISING CONFIDENT GIRLS movement.

My friend mentioned a word that I wasn’t familiar with called Gaslighting. So I immediately conducted research.  What I discovered wasnt a surprise because I have come across such behavior before but I still found the research englightening. I hope you find the nuggets in this blog post useful.


Please read on below.

What is Gas Lighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in you; making you question your own memory, perception, and sanity. People that display such behavior lack integrity. They can be anyone from a parent, teacher, boss, colleague, partner, sibling, close friend and even a pastor. Gas lighting is a means of control to dismiss the other person's emotions. 



How To Identify a Gas Lighter

1. They are master liars. They have no shame or guilt about lying.

2. If they are caught out they will always change the subject or disappear.

3. They shift the blame back to you so that you end up confused about your experience.

4. They wear you down over time with their constant manipulation.

5. Their actions dont match their words.



Here are some Red Flags statements a Gas Lighter will use especially when confronted

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about’’
‘’You’re over reacting’’
‘’You are confused’’
‘’It’s all in your head’’
‘’That didn’t happen’’
‘’You’re making it up’’
‘’You are so sensitive’’
‘’Why would I do that?’’
‘’Why would I say that?’’
‘’You always jump to the wrong conclusion’’
‘’You never see the best in others’’
‘’You’re reading too much into this’’


How Can You Protect Yourself 

1. Know Thyself

Make sure you don’t change your story. Know your version of reality. Trust your story and don’t let it be erased. The gaslighter might try to bully you but be defiant in what you know. If need be, keep a journal and write things down when dealing with such people because they are extremely manipulative.  Your story will be your testimony and you never know when you will need it. It will also save you from thinking you are going crazy. A friend once told me that her previous boss made her feel like she was loosing it and that after leaving her job it took her 3 months to get back to her normal self.

2. Dont Expect Accountability

Gas lighters never ever admit they are wrong. Nothing that comes up is ever their fault. So you may find yourself going in circles with the same issue. The solution: Play the fool. People reveal much about their feelings and intentions if you play along with what they what they are saying. But keep them at arm’s length if you can.



3. Stop Engaging So MUCH

Quit trying to get any sensible response from Gas Lighters because they are in their own bubble and lack integrity. Engaging with someone who is a Gas lighter means you will never feel heard. The solution is to reduce conversations where their integrity is at stake and don’t even get into confrontation.

4. Develop a Healthy Detachment

It doesn’t mean total detachment but it means creating strong boundaries. A friend once said about her Gaslighting mum, ‘’She tries to manipulate me all the time but I don’t let her get to my heart. When she sends me a text, I don’t respond immediately’’. My friend has a healthy detachment.

5. Opt Out of Power Struggles

Avoid right or wrong debates with such a person. Gas Lighters never ever admit that they are wrong because their ego cant cope with it. Change the topic if provoked. If you have been gas lighted and are feeling confused, talk to a trusted friend. Trust your gut feeling. If someone's behavior to you feels wrong, then it probably is wrong.

We live in a world were there is increased behavioral disorders so we need to equip ourselves with knowledge.  

Lets not forget the golden rule. Do unto others as you would like done to you.  Dont be a Gas lighter!

I do hope you learnt something new. There's so much information on google or YouTube if you want to dig deeper. Please leave a comment as I love to engage and learn from you too. Please send to others who may benefit.

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HOW TO REGAIN PERSONAL POWER

About Author


RiRi Okoye is a dedicated Events Planner, business trainer and speaker, who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare Events to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision. A world where every girl is confident.

Saturday 9 June 2018

HOW TO REGAIN PERSONAL POWER


Nobody is responsible for your life. You are. If you are insecure, have low self-esteem, lack confidence or are co-dependent then you may find yourself in the hands of people who abuse you. This particular blog post is directed at adults. The only way others can abuse you, is if you give away your personal power. Think about it. If you are strong, assertive, bold and confident, no one can touch you. It's a journey for most of us to arrive at this truth, so don't feel too bad if this is you. Read this post and make the changes gradually. 


HOW YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER 

1.  You are too nice. You never say NO.
2.  You are compliant. You don’t question authority. You don’t make a fuss. You are very impressionable.
3.  You tend to make excuses for bad behaviour.
4.  You don’t question the status quo. You don’t want to rock the boat so you just keep quiet, even when you sense things are not right.
5.  You don’t really have a firm position on anything. You don’t have a strong character. Your boundaries are weak. You are afraid of upsetting others.
6.  You are a people pleaser. You aim to make others happy at the detriment of yourself. 
7.  You have a tendency to put yourself last in all situations. 
8. You put up with bad behaviour because you believe you don’t have a choice. But life is about choices. You have to differentiate between giving away your personal power or regaining it.




HOW TO REGAIN YOUR POWER

1.  You are still kind and sweet but you have strong boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines that people are not allowed to cross. It is not acceptable for others to think that you are available at their beck and call.
2.  Your compliance level is tightened. You are not going to be a person who says yes to everything.
3.  You start to see bad behaviour for what it is. You question whether such relationships are worth it.
4.  You stand up for yourself. It’s going to get ugly. You may have less friends because suddenly you're not available for abuse or disrespect. 
5.  You start to develop a stronger sense of self and your confidence esculates.
6.   You discover who you are, what you stand for, what you will and wont tolerate
7.  You are still kind to people but you don’t please people at your detriment.
8.  You don’t put yourself last all the time. You have value too.
9.  You start to critically examine things. You don’t accept BS. You regain your confidence.
10. You accept responsibility for your life. You are not a victim.



If you do all of the above you will regain your power and your confidence will soar. And please don't ever give it away again...ever.

Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave a comment and pass this blog post to someone else who may need it.

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Tuesday 5 June 2018

SILENT TREATMENT 101


Without beating about the bush, silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to control another person. It can happen in marriage, in friendships, by bosses, by colleagues and even religious leaders. Every human has the potential to dish out silent treatment and I don't mean sulking for a few hours. Silent treatment means intentionally ignoring another person, refusing to acknowledge their presence verbally or through any other method. Its now very popular on social media. 

If you are in a marriage and receiving this treatment from your spouse, you need to seek therapy and counselling because it can rob you of your self-esteem and self-worth, which is always the intention of the person who is demonstrating this behaviour.



Knowledge is Power

This post is written to enlighten you about silent treatment so that you are in the know. Knowledge they say is power.



Here Are Five Truths About Silent Treatment

1. It is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse. It’s  sneaky behaviour that the receiver cant put their finger on, but it makes them feel uncomfortable.

2. It is used as a control mechanism.




3. It is a way to inflict pain without physically hurting you. It actually affects the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain that processes physical pain which means even if someone is not physically beating you, it can affect you the same way.

4. It is used to gain power. You can’t communicate with someone who is intentionally not speaking to you.

5. It is a pattern used often by emotionally manipulative people to gain control.  


How to Overcome The Onslaught Of Silent Treatment

1. Ask yourself if you did anything wrong? If you did something wrong, apologise. But if you did nothing wrong, don’t apologize because you are lying to yourself and not being truly authentic. Silent treatment is a form of dictatorship and is not acceptable for your emotional well-being.

2. Do you like being controlled? Do you like being abused? When you accept the silent treatment, you are allowing people to control you.

3. If the relationship is important to you, tell the person what you will and won’t accept. You need to hit in the bud when it starts, especially if you are a newly married otherwise it will become a habit.  If you are single, I do hope you can spot these red flags before you say, ‘’I do’’, otherwise you will have a very challenging marriage.

4. If you not married to this person it's just better to ignore the silent treatment by getting on with your life. Become mentally strong so that such behavior doesnt bother you. Without confidence in who you are, your entire self worth may depend on how others feel about you. Dont even bother asking any questions. People that display silent treatment usually come back when they see they are not affecting you but by then its too late. You have moved on. 


What Are The Two Most Important Things in Life?

Health and time: Don’t allow people to control your time or damage your health. You only have one life, so please protect your emotional well-being. Never feel ashamed of yourself if you are going through silent treatment. Speak to someone about it. It helps to talk.

Have you been through silent treatment before and how did you handle it? Or are you the person giving out Silent Treatment. When we know better: we do better. There's always a better way. I think. 

If this blessed you in any way, please share it with others that it might help.

God bless xxx

About Author


RiRi Okoye is a dedicated Events Planner, business trainer and speaker, who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare Events to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision. A world where every girl is confident.