BELIEVE IN YOURSELF WHEN OTHERS DONT

After a successful marketing workshop yesterday,  I have a message for girls and young ladies that are just starting out in a career.  I couldnt help but think about my life journey to date and all the incidents that could have stopped me from where I was going. You've got to believe in yourself even when others don't.  

RiRi  sassy young girl 5 year old, bold and confident until...

My story is that after doing secondary school in Nigeria and returning back to the UK in my teens, my teachers didn't believe in my ability.  I was even advised to attend learning support classes in English while doing A levels. I was the laughing stock of my peers because of my accent and I was trying to re-adjust culturally into a system that I had been away from, for 4 years. If the truth be told, after a few lessons, I stopped attending the class because the teacher was patronizing and spoke to me like someone who didn't understand English. I was determined to prove these teachers wrong.

I passed my A Levels with an A grade in one subject but because of my teachers doubts I hadnt even considered applying for university.  I spent 5 years of my early adult life working in a bank before deciding for myself that I could get into university and I did.  

At University, I wasnt there to play. I was very focused and came out with an Upper class 2.1 and eventually landed myself a job in Marketing and Communications for one of the best broadcasting organisations in the world, the BBC, but it didn't stop the issues of others not believing in me. At some point I moved departments. I had a female boss that took joy in making my life miserable. She just didnt like me. She even advised me to quit my job and go into retail. Despite her bullying and put downs, I didn't take her advice and carried on working for the BBC for 8 years in marketing.  

Roll on to present day, I've been running my own Marketing and Events Consultancy here in Lagos for nearly 6 years. As a business owner you have to believe in your value. I have met people along the way that have tried to dim my value. But I learnt a while ago that nobody can dim your value without your permission. You have to believe in your God given abilities. 

I hope this message inspires our girls to never give up on themselves.  You have all it takes. You just have to believe.

With love Aunty RiRi. Thanks for stopping by!

SIX SIGNS YOURE IN A ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIP

Are you in a one sided friendship? Most one sided friendships dont start off that way but somewhere along the way the relationship can become unbalanced. Many good hearted people find themselves in such friendships because of their giving nature but there comes a time when one has to take stock and realise that being in a one sided friendship is unhealthy.

Ive been in such a relationship before and it drains you. It also make you question yourself and lowers your self-esteem.  But don’t despair. You can take your control back but before you do so, do an inventory to really see if the friendship is one sided or whether you are just imagining things.

Here are SIX clear signs that you are in a one sided friendship.

1.  They don’t notice any important events in your life and even if they do, you will be sure they wont celebrate with you. On the other hand you are always the one reaching out to celebrate with them no matter how big or small the occasion is.

2.  They take advantage of your generosity and any time you reach out to them just for a friendly chat, there’s always one favour they need you to do for them.

3.  You can be sure that when they call you it’s never to find out how you are doing, rather it’s to ask for one thing or the other

4.  You question the friendship often 

5.  They don’t care. Their actions speak loud. Face the facts. There’s no point being around people that only see you as an option rather than a priority when there are an army of people who know the value of good friendship.

6.  When you do make up your mind to walk away from such friendships you may start to question yourself or even feel guilty but don't. Just keep walking. Your mental health is worth far more...

But here are some questions to ponder on

Do you always have to be the caretaker?

Do you feel guilty when you discover that you, too, have needs that should be recognized and met? Why would that be?

Do your needs feel less important?

Do you feel less important or deserving of consideration and understanding?

A good friendship means that there's give and take. How do you know that you are not being paranoid? My answer to that is it if doesnt feel right, it isnt right. 

Never blame the one sided person. You have to take 100% responsibility for your life Nobody can have a one-sided friendship with you, without your consent. Take control and seek better relationships where there is balance.

These are some of our fundamental emotional needs:
To be acknowledged
To be accepted
To be listened to
To be understood
To be loved
To be appreciated
To be respected
To be safe
To be valued
To be worthy
To be trusted
To feel capable and competent
To feel clear (instead of confused)
To be supported

If you are not getting these from a friendship, then you should ask yourself why you are there?

So that’s it from me. Have you experienced a one side friendship? How did you deal with it? Please reply in the comment box.

Thanks for stopping by. 

HOW TO BE MISERABLE - PART ONE

I stumbled on something interesting that Joyce Meyers shared about ‘’How to be Miserable’’. She didn’t quote the source but I took notes and thought it would be great to share with my readers.

Listed below are points on how to be miserable (Author unknown)

·      Think about yourself all the time

·      Use ‘I’ as often as possible

·      Mirror yourself continuously by the opinions of other people

·      Listen greatly about what other people say about you and if it’s not want you want to hear get angry

·      Expect to be appreciated by everyone

·      Be suspicious

·      Be jealous and envious

·      Be sensitive and easily offended

·      Never forgive a criticism

·      Trust nobody but yourself

·      Insist on consideration and respect at all times

·      Demand agreement on all your views

·      Sulk if people are not grateful for what you have done for them

·      Never forget how much you’ve done for other people

·      Think about how much youve done for people all the time

·      Always remember what people have failed to do for you

·      Entertain yourself always and do as little as possible for other people

It is exhausting reading the above isnt but its also important to check ourselves because who wants to live a miserable lives? Life is too short. 

Joyce said there was a time in her life that she was miserable but thank God for delivery

Click here for the sermon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGAch3o0FwQ&t=2283s

Do you have other tips to add to avoid miserable life? Please share in the comment box below.

Thanks for stopping by and if you found it useful please share.

HALF MARK - 15 NUGGETS SO FAR FROM PROVERBS

I started a challenge over two weeks ago, meditating on the book of Proverbs. I’ve read Proverbs several times before but not in such depth. In this challenge, I’ve read up to 4 different versions to gain wisdom and understanding. I’m on day 20 now and I cant wait to tuck into the remaining chapters. A person of wisdom is worth knowing and worth emulating. Here are 15 characteristics of such a person (She also applies to HE)

1. She trusts in the Lord. She just knows that God has her back.

2. She puts God first. Before she makes any decision she runs to God in prayer.

3. She turns away from evil because she knows it is foolishness.

4. She is loving. These are the benefits she reaps from having Wisdom.

5. She is faithful. Everyone can trust her

6. She thinks before speaking. She is not quick to speak knowing that her words have the power the lift or destroy

7. She knows right from wrong because she spends time in the Word

8. She listens and learns. She always seeks knowledge from those who are experienced

9. She does what is right because she has the Holy Spirit with her always

10.    She possesses knowledge and discretion. These are the benefits of seeking wisdom

11.          She hates pride, arrogance and evil behaviour because she knows that God detests them

12.           She respects and fears God, knowing that without HIM she is nothing

13.        She gives good advice and has common sense. You can always trust her counsel

14.      She loves correction and is teachable - Even though she possesses wisdom, she is still teachable because she knows she can never know it all

15.     She knows God and she puts him first

Wow isn’t she a person to emulate? May we continue to seek Wisdom. 

Are there any other characteristics that you have gained from your own journey with Proverbs? Please share in the comment box so we can all learn. 

Thanks for stopping by and if you found this blog post useful please share.

I look forward to sharing the remaining 11 chapters with you on my Facebook Page. 

https://www.facebook.com/riri.okoye