Monday 31 October 2016

HOW TO FIND PURPOSE

A friend of mine recently said she was on a journey to discover her purpose. She said ‘’RiRi it looks like you’ve found yours’’. I said ‘’yes’’ but it’s been a long drawn out journey.  It sometimes comes from a place of pain and involves a lot of sacrifice. Its born out of a passion to make a difference.

I wasnt one of those people that knew right from childhood why I existed. In fact, I believe my relocation to Nigeria helped me find my purpose. Below are some of the questions from a self-reflection test which I took a few years ago which helped me discover why I exist.  



What are you naturally curious about?

Your answer to this will give you some indication of your purpose. Everybody has different things that makes them curious. In my case, I’ve always been a people's person and I have a passion to help others, whether in business or in their personal life. The business that I run and charity that I am involved in allows me to fulfill my purpose.  What about you? What are you naturally curious about and enjoy? Is it politics, real estate, art, science, sports, computers etc.



What would you love to accomplish before you die?

Your answer to this will also help discover purpose. Some people have great wishes to do things but don’t. Those who have discovered purpose actually do everything they can to accomplish their life goals before they die. This is because they are dedicated to achieving their purpose. They take little steps to accomplish them and dont give until they do.

What would do if you could not fail?

That is a very deep question because most people are afraid of failure but those who have found purpose take risks because they know why they exist. I believe that one needs to change their mindset, so rather than think of a past mistakes as failure, see them as lessons learned and you will be on the way to discovering purpose.




What were the activities or tasks you were doing when you felt most empowered?

When you are passionate about something and feel energised, you are probably on the right track to your purpose. Sometimes you may have to think back to your childhood and think about any activity that gave you fulfillment. I feel empowered when I am publicizing, creating and delivering an event. It is such a buzz. The same energy and power that I use to deliver a large-scale corporate event is the same passion for the workshops which are much smaller and I know that my purpose is being fulfilled. I also feel the same passion and purpose when talking and engaging in matters for ‘’Raising Confident Girls’’.  Because my ultimate purpose is to help people.
So what about you? Why do you exist? Take your time to answer this question but it may help lead to your purpose. I wish you the best.

If you would like a copy of the self-assessment test that I took then send a request to me at rita@majesticallyrare.com

Have you found your purpose? Please share how you discovered it.

Recommended books

1. The Success Principles by Jack Canfield
2. S.H.A.P.E Finding & Fulfilling your unique purpose for life by Erik Rees
3. Who moved My Cheese by Dr Spencer Johnson
4. Understanding the Purpose and Power of Woman by Dr Myles Munroe ( I think there's a version for men) 
5. Understanding Your Potential by Dr Myles Munroe
6. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren






Wednesday 26 October 2016

DON’T PUT A STIGMA ON MENTAL HEALTH

Speakers: Dr Dorothy Jeff- Nnamani, Mr Nnamdi J Okonkwo, Dr Maymuna Kadiri, Lanre Olusoal, Funmi Oyetunji, Ego Boyo


Today I attended an event on Mental Health Issues in Nigeria organised by Novo Health and their partners. It was an interesting morning hearing from several speakers in different fields.  Here are my summary notes.

STIGMATIZATION surrounding mental health is very high in Nigeria and often comes from friends and family. Back in the 70’s, Nigerians did not openly discuss cancer and they do today. There is also hope that Mental Health will also be less of a stigma. 

Three common stigmas surrounding mental health include the following:

   It’s dangerous
   Only weak people have mental health
     People don’t want to be labelled or called crazy

Perfect health is a complete state of physical, mental and social wellbeing. When a person has strong mental state, they can work productively and are able to make a fruitful contribution to society. Ignorance builds stigmatization.
How to approach someone with mental illness?
A – Approach. Find the right place & time
L – Listen non-judgementally and give support
E- Encourage professional help. Get them to seek counselling

FACTORS THAT LEAD TO MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

BULLYING

Parents needs to be attentive to the emotional and mental well-being of their children. Bullying causes mental stress. There should be a policy in school to prevent bullying.

LONG WORKING HOURS

There should be good workplace culture which lessens mental stress. Long hours are killing our people and leads to breakdown and at worse heart attacks. In organisations, proper design and management of work needs to be in place. Also proactively anticipate train & prepare staff for shocks in a rapidly changing environment through contingency planning. Institutionalize HSE products.

DEPRESSION

Depression is a form of mental stress. Key Signs of Depression include not being happy, low energy, loss of interest in things for 2 weeks, not sleeping, over sleeping, not eating, over eating, poor concentration, low fatigue
Extreme signs include Hearing voices, Feeling hopeless, Worthlessness

Depression can be a cause of hormonal imbalance. Not everyone needs medication. Some will only require counselling & therapy

Strategies that can help beat depression include eating healthy, exercise, praying, laughter, fun, rest and sleep. The average Nigerian workers does not get enough sleep. Mental Health can lead to suicide in extreme cases.



Worldwide: Every 40 seconds someone is committing suicide

RECESSION

During a recession mental stress is increased. The following may be common:
Increase drugs intake, Sleep related issues, Sexual dysfunction
Inability to cope with life challenges, Outburst of anger, Not happy

Strategies to cope:
Set Realistic Goals
Enhance and maximum your skills/ craft
Collaboration


In Nigeria High Risk Factors that lead to mental health issues include: sexual abuse, dysfunctional home, violence, divorce, mother died before 11, You have 3 children below 14, unemployed, no confidence in husband

MONEY AND MENTAL EMOTIONS

There’s a coloration between money & emotions. It reveals your inner conflict and emotions. If you list 10 things that are important to you, you will discover than money is needed for some of them. It times of recession, if you cant afford it, you don’t need it. If you cant manage your emotions, you cant manage your money.

ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY AND MENTAL ISSUES

Mental challenges are common in the entertainment industry. Celebrities are sought after and dropped. Competition is fierce and tough. Celebrities are more likely to be depressed, binge drinkers, suicidal, addicted to prescription drugs and hard drugs.

RETIREMENT

Even during the recession, you need to make plans for retirement as a lack of planning can cause mental health issues. Use early opportunities. Your perks in employment wont last forever. Take responsibility. Spend less than you need. Seek profitable ventures. Be careful how you borrow.

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, mental issues are like any other health disorder that needs medical assistance. It should never be a taboo. Show more empathy to those who need help.


For more information contact
Mental Health Networking
Nova Health Africa
0817460486
Pamelan@novohealthafrica.org


Thursday 20 October 2016

CONFIDENCE IS A GAME CHANGER

Do you want to increase your confidence? Do you want to stop doubting yourself? Do you know that increasing confidence brings unbelievable peace and happiness? Listed below are just 4 ways increasing confidence is a game changer.

Are you in it, to win it?

You Love Yourself Completely

This may sound simple but for some people loving oneself doesn’t come naturally. Some people struggle with loving themselves and it manifests negatively in their lives. This is because they haven't arrived at a true acceptance of who they are. The first stage of loving yourself is accepting yourself. And when you accept yourself, you will be okay with who you are and you wont put up a ''front''.


Belief is crucial 


You Set Goals

It’s amazing how setting goals and achieving them builds confidence. Most people start the year setting goals but by mid- January almost 80% have given up. For the rest of the 20% that carry on pursuing their goals, the results are always outstanding especially when they are big scary and audacious. It’s a real boost to your confidence when you achieve those mega goals by taking action.

Take Daily Steps To Achieve Massive Goals

You Speak Up

When you become more confident, you find your voice. You find your purpose and you find your why.  You have no qualms about speaking on subjects that matter to you because you are not so bothered about what others think about you. You trust your own judgement. You trust your own beliefs. When you find your voice, you can speak up confidently to anyone (respectfully of course), irrespective of status.


You Control Your Emotions

When your confidence increases, you don’t take on every issue. When you get disappointed, you dont internalize it because you know that there are always lessons to be learned. In addition, you don’t always find the need to defend your stance because inside you know that you know that you know. Saying, ‘’Oh well’’ becomes your favourite line.

Relationships Matter. With my two favourite Yinkas

You Build Better Relationships

Relationships improve when you are confident because you know what is good for you. Your choices in who you surround yourself with becomes very important to you. You attract the right type of relationships for you. Being by yourself is also very important  because you learn to enjoy your own company. Toxic relationships are a thing of the past or for those that you have less control of like a ''relative'', you know how to handle them better.


Your Success Increases

When you believe in yourself and your abilities your success increases.  If you are a student, you will probably produce better results. Your teachers will notice. If you are an employee, the way you project yourself, will show your bosses that you know what you are doing and you will excel. If you are a business owner, you will attract more clients because you believe in what you are selling. Everyone enjoys being around a confident person.

Huge Benefits of Giving Back


Giving Back

There is nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than giving back. It’s such a game changer. Giving back helps you take the focus off yourself and helps you to make a difference in other people's lives. Its important to make others feel that they are somebody just as much as you are. When you value others like yourself and give back it is such a game changer and builds confidence. 


How about you? Has increasing your confidence changed your game? Were you ever limited by not having enough confidence? What did you do to overcome these limitations? Please share your story. Thanks for stopping by and remember to share with friends.

Tuesday 11 October 2016

LOVE IS THE GREATEST GIFT

I recently hosted my birthday fellowship and hangout. Under normal circumstances and when I think back to my 21st birthday party, I would have invited more friends but I really wanted the fellowship to be cosy and intimate. Besides most of the people I invited had seen me at really difficult seasons in my life in Lagos and encouraged me individually, so I wanted to bring them all under one roof and celebrate my life with them. My mum who lives in the UK saw the birthday photos and said with excitement, ''You really have great friends in Lagos'' and we both chuckled. 



Fellowship

The theme was love one another. My husband made the audience laugh.  He said that for his wife who is such a party person and socialite, to request a fellowship on her birthday shows that she has matured like fine wine and is deeper. He is right. Life is not all haha hehe. There was a need to pray together, for each other and for our country which is experiencing extreme hardship.

We had an open discussion on verses from the Bible on love. We touched on 1 Corinthians 13 which states that even if we speak in tongues, have faith and give to the poor but have no love, then we are really nothing because love is the greatest gift of all. The general view was that Love is lacking in our society and as the body of Christ we need to show more of HIM in us. If we cant show Christ in us, we won’t win souls. It starts by loving everyone irrespective of their status in society.


The Quiz

At some point in the day, my sons boldly stepped in and were the comperes of the occasion. The guests were divided into two teams to find out ‘’How well they know RiRi’’. There’s no point in coming to my house to hangout with me if you don’t know what primary schools and secondary schools I went to or what part time jobs I held at University or the nick name my husband calls me lol.  I mean these are basics right lol? It was a light fun session and everyone enjoyed themselves.



What Is Important?

As you get older you realise that you don’t need lots of money to be happy. You don’t need a lots friends to be happy, just real ones. You don’t need lots of social media likes to be happy. All you need are a few genuine friends that love you and want the very best for you and most importantly will pray with and for you. I received that on Saturday and that was the best birthday present I could ask for.



What does love mean to you? How can you improve on it in your life?  If this post touched you in anyway, please feel free to share it and thanks for stopping by. 

Monday 3 October 2016

THOUGHTS OF SWEET 16

My one and only daughter is sweet 16 today. I thank God for this day. I am also thankful for the pouring of love from our family and friends across the world. I am trying to remember where the years have flown. She actually came out quite fast.  One minute my husband was washing the car to take me to the hospital and the next minute shortly after arrival, our daughter was born. I cant even remember what she weighed but I just remember feeling incredibly blessed and thankful. I still do.



My Sweet 16
I remember my sweet 16th with fondness. I just wanted to be 16. I kept telling my mum that I couldn’t wait to be 16.  Was 16 really going to change my world? Is it the number 16 that is so sweet. Is there something about being sweet 16? Is it the last years of deep innocence before you are a fully fledged adult.  I wonder. I had finished my WAEC  (o levels) in Nigeria and had returned back to the UK to do A levels by the time I was 16. My sweet 16th was spent at Madam Tussards, a well known tourist center in London. I remember the dress I wore. It was white and flowery. My dad who has passed on, snapped lots of photos which I do hope I can find one day.



Flourishing at 16

I believe by the time a girl reaches 16, you’ve pretty much done as much as you can to imbibe your values in her. This is the time that she should flourish from a teen into a responsible adult, if she has been raised well. Even if she hasnt, she still has a chance to take control over her life and grow.  Some girls are late bloomers.




Moving On Up

At 16, some girls may have a clear idea of what they want to do in life which is pretty unusual. Most havent discovered themselves or their potentials. I believe as parents we should encourage our children along their areas of strengths, rather than what we would like them to do. What they need is praise and encouragement. 

I hope my daughter enjoys her year of being sweet 16 because before she blinks, life just passes by very fast.

How was your 16th birthday? Do you remember it? Please leave a comment and tell me your story. I love to interact. Please share this post with others and thanks for stopping by.