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Saturday, 14 July 2018

LIFE LESSONS FROM THE ALCHEMIST

Today I am attending a book review with some ladies from a network called, Full Circle Wellness Solutions. And I wanted to share my own key lessons, before I hear from my sister friends because we all interpret things differently.



Here’s my thoughts

The Alchemist is a very short novel about Santiago, a young shepherd boy, who longs to follow his dream in search of treasures but encounters many challenges, life lessons and interesting people along the way. 

In my opinion, we really see him transform from boy to man by the end of the story but the author makes no mention of this. See below what I noted from the author.




KEY THINGS I NOTED

Personal legend is what you want to accomplish in life and this was mentioned a lot through out the book. 
Do you know what that looks like?

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Everything in life has a price - Santiago found that out through all the trials and tribulations he encountered.

When you really want something the universe conspires to help you achieve it - Santiago met several people that showed up in his life for a purpose.

Everything in life is an omen - meaning a sign to point you in the right direction to your dreams which Santiago eventually discovered.

If you focus always on the present you will be happy and content. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a dream but enjoy where you are right now. 

Santiago was advised by the alchemist and eventually started to enjoy each moment. I plan to do so today at the book review hangout.

The language that everyone understands in their heart, is love. That’s why when there's a conflict, it is often love that brings you back. 


INTERNS AT LANDMARK WITH MD, PAUL O


A GOOD WAY TO LEARN IS THROUGH ACTION 

I think my teens are learning this from their internship about what they enjoy and what they dont.

Everything that happens once will never happen again, if you have learned the lesson but everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.

Listen to your heart but rule your life with your head.

HAPPINESS IS FROM GOD. He is always within us 

Before a dream is realised the ''soul of the world'' will test everything you learn along the way (Deep Thoughts).

When you possess great treasures within you and try to tell others, they rarely believe you (Keep quiet). Classic example Joseph

When we love, we always strive to be better than we are (Real Talk). Love more


We all possess the same universal language – oneness 




Conclusion from the Alchemist

1. Have a dream/purpose
2. Failing is part of the process
3. Don’t give up

Have you read the Alchemist? Let me have your thoughts.

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Tuesday, 10 July 2018

THE ART OF CONVERSATION


Unfortunately because of the internet and social media, the younger generation are challenged with the art of conversation. They prefer to be on their gadgets rather than talk with one another. They are not the only ones. Adults are talking less with one another because they don’t want to reveal too much of themselves. A lot of people keep issues to themselves and internalize things.



I wouldnt describe myself as talkative but I do love a good deep conversation.   I believe that talking has helped me beat depression and other issues that come with keeping things in.  This blog is about the art of conversation which I hope you find useful.



Know how to talk to people

It’s important when talking with people that it’s a two way conversation. Nobody likes to have a conversation with a person who talks too much or talks over everyone else.  Get into the habit of being the listener sometimes, so that others have room to speak.  If you are on the receiving end of someone who talks too much, it’s acceptable to assertively but politely let them know that you have something to say.



Greet people by their names

When you start off a conversation always greet people by their names. During the conversation if you mention their name occasionally, you will have their full attention. People love it when you mention their name. It makes them feel important, even during conversations.



Look at people but don’t stare

When talking to people, it’s important to give eye contact but don’t stare. Look at them throughout the conversation. It shows you are listening and it shows you are interested. It’s a good starting point in a conversation to look and admire something on them. For example, ‘’Oh I love your earrings. They look pretty’’.


Ask Questions

People that are good at conservation ask questions. They dont need all the focus on them and they are interested in what the other person has to say. Ask open questions too which will further add to the discussion. For example, ‘’ How did you start your business?’’, ‘’ What do you enjoy about your business?’’



Be An Active Listener

When talking with others it’s important to listen and show that you understand what is said, by nodding or saying something in agreement. For example. ‘’Yes, I understand how that must have felt’’



Be Friendly

When engaging with others be approachable and warm. Smile as you start the conversation. Make sure your body language shows the other person that you want to be there. Body language is actually more important in conversation than the words you say. You might be speaking but come across as totally boring.


Speak Clearly

You don’t have put on a fake accent to engage with others. Please don’t. But please speak clearly. We speak clearly by making sure our mouths are wide enough for the words to come out and we pronounce are words properly. We don’t murmur or whisper. We know we are important and have as much to add the conversation as anyone else.  

So that’s it from me. Do let me know in the comment box how you engage in conversation. If you found the above tips useful please share.

It’s good to talk and its great to listen.

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Tuesday, 3 July 2018

SIX BENEFITS OF GRATITUDE


Recently I posted a gratitude message about escaping an allergic reaction that could have left me dead. I am so grateful for my support system, access to good medical advice and stories from others, which has equipped me with more knowledge about allergies. But the truth is gratitude has been my lifestyle for a few years now, especially since living in Lagos. It’s my coping mechanism of surviving in this volatile environment.  


Grateful living is important in the world because in our constant pursuit of more and better, we can easily lose sight of the riches that lay right in front of us and within us - Guri Mehta

There are many benefits to having gratitude and I will just highlight six of them.

1. Gratitude makes you happier

Daily gratitude can increase your long term well being. I discovered that just by journaling each day or meditating and appreciating what I have improves and boosts my well-being. This was not always the case. In the past I would focus on what I didn’t have and be miserable.



2. Gratitude makes you amiable

It makes you nicer to be around. When you are friendly it draws people towards you. You are not carrying baggage and you are just in a more content state.  Anytime I'm feeling low, I list my blessings and name them one by one. The fact that you are reading this blog post and not lying in a hospital bed should make you more grateful. If you are in a hospital bed then you should be grateful for being treated. There's always something to be grateful for.



3. Gratitude makes you healthier

There have been studies to show that your lifespan is extended when you are grateful. You sleep better when you have gratitude and your body has more vitality and energy. I use to be a big worrier. I remember a time when I wasn’t sleeping well because of all the concerns about my circumstances until I started to apply more gratitude. Now I sleep like a baby most nights.  



4. Gratitude makes you bounce back

Life will always throw things at us: Death, Loss, disappointments, betrayal, etc. Your gratitude level needs to be high even when we face challenges. It’s our attitude that can help us bounce back. I remember a season when my job role was terminated. It came as such a shock and there was no notice. Rather than wallow in self-pity, I bounced back. I was grateful for the experience and connections that I had picked up and then went on to start Majestically Rare Events which has been running successfully for 6 years.

5.  Gratitude eliminates envy

These days so many people focus on what others have, especially since the advent of social media, without appreciating the gifts and blessings that they have in their own life. When you appreciate what you  have there will less reason to envy another person. You will realise that you are enough.



6. Gratitude increases self esteem

You cant have high esteem if you don’t have gratitude. Because self esteem is a snip off from being grateful about who you are and what you have. 

Be intentional about saying ''Thank You'' to others and watch the snowball effect on your own well being.

I hope this blog post encourages you to be more grateful. Please say a prayer for those who are going through extreme hardship and are struggling to stay alive.




Wednesday, 27 June 2018

SIMPLE TIPS ON BEING MORE CHARMING


Why do we love charming people?  A charmer has the power to delight, attract and fascinate others. When you are charming, it works in your favour.  It promotes you. It makes you influential. It opens the door to opportunities, so why not work on your charm. Listed below are a few ways to make yourself more charming.




Smile More

Smiling seems very easy but many people don’t smile enough. Most are consumed by the burdens and challenges of life. Charming people smile more. Smiling shows that you are a warm person. Everyone wants to be around a person who smiles and is happy.  I have landed quite a few opportunities in my life  and I simply put it down to one small factor; my smile. Once I discovered that secret, I worked more on my smile and received more opportunities.



Be Genuinely Interested In Others

Charming people know how to make you feel like you the only one in the world at that moment. They have your full attention. They listen. They take note. 

When you show interest in others, it makes you more charming because people want to know that they matter.



Remember Names

Charming people remember names or important events like birthdays.  People love it when you remember their name. It makes them feel important.  The best thing to do when you meet someone for the first time is repeat their name back. If you have an opportunity, also write it down. Another way to remember a person’s name is to identify something unique about them and link it to their name. 


Be a Good Story Teller

Charmers are great story tellers. They are so imaginative and captivating. You just want to listen to them all day. They know how to get your full attention and their authenticity shines through when sharing their stories. They are always beaming with life. 



Show Human Side

Charming people are not afraid to show their human side. They are vulnerable and can easily open up to their weakness and challenges which makes them more approachable and easier to get along with. People also trust you more when you show your human side.





Have A Sense Of Humour

Charming people are happy people who they don’t take themselves or life too seriously. They are incredibly optimistic and positive.  They can be silly at times for fun but know when to be serious. They always look on the bright side of life. They don’t worry so much because they have faith in God. They are fun to be around. Is that you?

So lets hear from you. What makes others more charming? Please leave a comment and share this post with others. The world will be a better place with more charming people.


Monday, 18 June 2018

HAVE YOU BEEN GAS LIGHTED?




Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who is a deep thinker like me. Both of us are quite observant when it comes to human behavior and we sometimes have quite interesting psychological conversations. We also talk a lot about forms of abuse and how to protect our loved ones especially girls that we mentor and are part of RAISING CONFIDENT GIRLS movement.

My friend mentioned a word that I wasn’t familiar with called Gaslighting. So I immediately conducted research.  What I discovered wasnt a surprise because I have come across such behavior before but I still found the research englightening. I hope you find the nuggets in this blog post useful.


Please read on below.

What is Gas Lighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in you; making you question your own memory, perception, and sanity. People that display such behavior lack integrity. They can be anyone from a parent, teacher, boss, colleague, partner, sibling, close friend and even a pastor. Gas lighting is a means of control to dismiss the other person's emotions. 



How To Identify a Gas Lighter

1. They are master liars. They have no shame or guilt about lying.

2. If they are caught out they will always change the subject or disappear.

3. They shift the blame back to you so that you end up confused about your experience.

4. They wear you down over time with their constant manipulation.

5. Their actions dont match their words.



Here are some Red Flags statements a Gas Lighter will use especially when confronted

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about’’
‘’You’re over reacting’’
‘’You are confused’’
‘’It’s all in your head’’
‘’That didn’t happen’’
‘’You’re making it up’’
‘’You are so sensitive’’
‘’Why would I do that?’’
‘’Why would I say that?’’
‘’You always jump to the wrong conclusion’’
‘’You never see the best in others’’
‘’You’re reading too much into this’’


How Can You Protect Yourself 

1. Know Thyself

Make sure you don’t change your story. Know your version of reality. Trust your story and don’t let it be erased. The gaslighter might try to bully you but be defiant in what you know. If need be, keep a journal and write things down when dealing with such people because they are extremely manipulative.  Your story will be your testimony and you never know when you will need it. It will also save you from thinking you are going crazy. A friend once told me that her previous boss made her feel like she was loosing it and that after leaving her job it took her 3 months to get back to her normal self.

2. Dont Expect Accountability

Gas lighters never ever admit they are wrong. Nothing that comes up is ever their fault. So you may find yourself going in circles with the same issue. The solution: Play the fool. People reveal much about their feelings and intentions if you play along with what they what they are saying. But keep them at arm’s length if you can.



3. Stop Engaging So MUCH

Quit trying to get any sensible response from Gas Lighters because they are in their own bubble and lack integrity. Engaging with someone who is a Gas lighter means you will never feel heard. The solution is to reduce conversations where their integrity is at stake and don’t even get into confrontation.

4. Develop a Healthy Detachment

It doesn’t mean total detachment but it means creating strong boundaries. A friend once said about her Gaslighting mum, ‘’She tries to manipulate me all the time but I don’t let her get to my heart. When she sends me a text, I don’t respond immediately’’. My friend has a healthy detachment.

5. Opt Out of Power Struggles

Avoid right or wrong debates with such a person. Gas Lighters never ever admit that they are wrong because their ego cant cope with it. Change the topic if provoked. If you have been gas lighted and are feeling confused, talk to a trusted friend. Trust your gut feeling. If someone's behavior to you feels wrong, then it probably is wrong.

We live in a world were there is increased behavioral disorders so we need to equip ourselves with knowledge.  

Lets not forget the golden rule. Do unto others as you would like done to you.  Dont be a Gas lighter!

I do hope you learnt something new. There's so much information on google or YouTube if you want to dig deeper. Please leave a comment as I love to engage and learn from you too. Please send to others who may benefit.

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About Author


RiRi Okoye is a dedicated Events Planner, business trainer and speaker, who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare Events to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision. A world where every girl is confident.

Saturday, 9 June 2018

HOW TO REGAIN PERSONAL POWER


Nobody is responsible for your life. You are. If you are insecure, have low self-esteem, lack confidence or are co-dependent then you may find yourself in the hands of people who abuse you. This particular blog post is directed at adults. The only way others can abuse you, is if you give away your personal power. Think about it. If you are strong, assertive, bold and confident, no one can touch you. It's a journey for most of us to arrive at this truth, so don't feel too bad if this is you. Read this post and make the changes gradually. 


HOW YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER 

1.  You are too nice. You never say NO.
2.  You are compliant. You don’t question authority. You don’t make a fuss. You are very impressionable.
3.  You tend to make excuses for bad behaviour.
4.  You don’t question the status quo. You don’t want to rock the boat so you just keep quiet, even when you sense things are not right.
5.  You don’t really have a firm position on anything. You don’t have a strong character. Your boundaries are weak. You are afraid of upsetting others.
6.  You are a people pleaser. You aim to make others happy at the detriment of yourself. 
7.  You have a tendency to put yourself last in all situations. 
8. You put up with bad behaviour because you believe you don’t have a choice. But life is about choices. You have to differentiate between giving away your personal power or regaining it.




HOW TO REGAIN YOUR POWER

1.  You are still kind and sweet but you have strong boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines that people are not allowed to cross. It is not acceptable for others to think that you are available at their beck and call.
2.  Your compliance level is tightened. You are not going to be a person who says yes to everything.
3.  You start to see bad behaviour for what it is. You question whether such relationships are worth it.
4.  You stand up for yourself. It’s going to get ugly. You may have less friends because suddenly you're not available for abuse or disrespect. 
5.  You start to develop a stronger sense of self and your confidence esculates.
6.   You discover who you are, what you stand for, what you will and wont tolerate
7.  You are still kind to people but you don’t please people at your detriment.
8.  You don’t put yourself last all the time. You have value too.
9.  You start to critically examine things. You don’t accept BS. You regain your confidence.
10. You accept responsibility for your life. You are not a victim.



If you do all of the above you will regain your power and your confidence will soar. And please don't ever give it away again...ever.

Thanks for stopping by, feel free to leave a comment and pass this blog post to someone else who may need it.

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Tuesday, 5 June 2018

SILENT TREATMENT 101


Without beating about the bush, silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse used to control another person. It can happen in marriage, in friendships, by bosses, by colleagues and even religious leaders. Every human has the potential to dish out silent treatment and I don't mean sulking for a few hours. Silent treatment means intentionally ignoring another person, refusing to acknowledge their presence verbally or through any other method. Its now very popular on social media. 

If you are in a marriage and receiving this treatment from your spouse, you need to seek therapy and counselling because it can rob you of your self-esteem and self-worth, which is always the intention of the person who is demonstrating this behaviour.



Knowledge is Power

This post is written to enlighten you about silent treatment so that you are in the know. Knowledge they say is power.



Here Are Five Truths About Silent Treatment

1. It is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse. It’s  sneaky behaviour that the receiver cant put their finger on, but it makes them feel uncomfortable.

2. It is used as a control mechanism.




3. It is a way to inflict pain without physically hurting you. It actually affects the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain that processes physical pain which means even if someone is not physically beating you, it can affect you the same way.

4. It is used to gain power. You can’t communicate with someone who is intentionally not speaking to you.

5. It is a pattern used often by emotionally manipulative people to gain control.  


How to Overcome The Onslaught Of Silent Treatment

1. Ask yourself if you did anything wrong? If you did something wrong, apologise. But if you did nothing wrong, don’t apologize because you are lying to yourself and not being truly authentic. Silent treatment is a form of dictatorship and is not acceptable for your emotional well-being.

2. Do you like being controlled? Do you like being abused? When you accept the silent treatment, you are allowing people to control you.

3. If the relationship is important to you, tell the person what you will and won’t accept. You need to hit in the bud when it starts, especially if you are a newly married otherwise it will become a habit.  If you are single, I do hope you can spot these red flags before you say, ‘’I do’’, otherwise you will have a very challenging marriage.

4. If you not married to this person it's just better to ignore the silent treatment by getting on with your life. Become mentally strong so that such behavior doesnt bother you. Without confidence in who you are, your entire self worth may depend on how others feel about you. Dont even bother asking any questions. People that display silent treatment usually come back when they see they are not affecting you but by then its too late. You have moved on. 


What Are The Two Most Important Things in Life?

Health and time: Don’t allow people to control your time or damage your health. You only have one life, so please protect your emotional well-being. Never feel ashamed of yourself if you are going through silent treatment. Speak to someone about it. It helps to talk.

Have you been through silent treatment before and how did you handle it? Or are you the person giving out Silent Treatment. When we know better: we do better. There's always a better way. I think. 

If this blessed you in any way, please share it with others that it might help.

God bless xxx

About Author


RiRi Okoye is a dedicated Events Planner, business trainer and speaker, who is passionate about serving clients at Majestically Rare Events to the highest standards. Only the best will do. She is also the founder of Raising Confident Girls Initiative with a clear vision. A world where every girl is confident.